Updates

Dear readers,

I started this blog as a space to express my feelings at a time I was down and isolated. As I explored my passions through this blog I realized my interest in photography. After a while I wanted it to be more than a documentation of an ordinary human exploring an ordinary life. I wanted to document all the bird photos I have made, all the good shots, I became obsessed with quality and technicality of what I shared. This kind of attitude often left me frustrated. I also lost my voice and presence. Photos had become just photos with an identification of a species and few bits of information.

Truth is I do have a huge passion for photography. After finishing university with high grades in Psychology, I felt completely lost. I traveled for 9 months yet I did not share a lot of my journey here. I fell quiet and I fell into despair as I could not see where my passions and my life would meet. Moreover, after returning from my travel I worked at a coffee chain to pay off a small percentage of my student debt and to live. The routine did not leave me too much time for introspection and in a way I was grateful for that, for every time I was left to myself I would dig deep into the feeling of being lost.

I feel ready again to go back to the basics. To enjoy life and to share what moves me. To write and to feel. To simply do things without expectation for return. Without ambition. In two weeks I will quit the job and travel to see my family before starting at university to study social and political thought. I do not know if it’s the right path, but it is a path that does not offend my soul too much. It is better than taking no action at all.

This is an acknowledgement of my own struggles in the past two years and a promise that I will go back to finding beauty in life (meeting-soul).

“In spite of everything, I shall rise again; I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing. – Vincent van Gogh

I will pick up my camera, I will sit with my thoughts. Thanks for being with me.

Love, Timali.

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Idle and Blessed

Mary Oliver is perhaps my favorite poet. Here’s a poem of hers that I came across today, combined with some pictures  (mostly my little sister’s photography). It’s a great poem for the times I am going through currently.

“I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?”

From “The summer day”

The paddy-field here is a space from my childhood that I still keep returning to. It means something to me. When people have moved all around the world, trees still stay in the same place. New paddy comes every year, the surrounding stays the same. .

Here, I lose sense of time (and many other things).

What is it you plan to do, with your one wild and precious life?”

Between Hope and Despair

I’ve been bouncing between hope and despair for a while now – self-absorbed – trying to make the best decisions. I’ve been taking myself and my future too seriously, desperately holding onto illusions of control. Thinking that if I thought hard enough and wide enough I could change things.

That was before.

Now I feel like I am settling into comfortable mediocrity and with that my dreams feel like the leaves below.  It is the feeling of giving in.

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However, I will continue to find joy in little things. I’ve heard that it’s not the path you travel, but how you travel it that makes the real difference. Maybe one day, my dreams will grow wings again.

You know what I’m most afraid of? I am afraid of becoming numb like the many people I see, going about their tasks, passing as well-adjusted members of society.

What does it mean to be well-adjusted to a society that is based on greed, competition and fear?